If I was young in today’s crazy culture, I’m sure I just wouldn’t fit in!
I’ll start with my technological abilities, or more accurately, my lack thereof. Let’s say some hot young women after meeting me decides to text me explaining how irresistible I am and how bad she wants me. I’m afraid we would both be out of luck. I only know conversation. It’s an old-style form of communication, but very effective. People have successfully used it for centuries and it offers unlimited minutes, all for free. It’s really much faster than texting, and you don’t have to use abbreviations.
To make matters worse, I don’t network socially, well not on Twitter or Facebook or that kind of thing. Instead, I meet with people and we have conversations in person, face to face! Imagine that. Sometimes my friends plan big networking sessions we call parties.
Also, I’m afraid that I am sorely out of style as well. Let’s see, first, I have no tattoos, not even one. And even stranger, no piercings, either. I’m definitely not putting anything thru my tongue, naval, eyebrow, nipple, or nether regions. Ouch! And putting metal slugs in my ear lobes to stretch them out? Isn’t that reserved for carnival sideshow freaks? Plus, I wear my underwear under my clothes and I even own a belt and wear it! And, as a bonus, I know how to tie my shoes.
Furthermore, I do not consider ghetto-trash yelling insults angrily into a microphone as talented folks expressing themselves or entertaining in any sense. I’m sorry that they never learned how to play a musical instrument and are mad and frustrated about having no talent. I can’t play professional sports, but if I was to yell and rant about not being athletic into a microphone, I would not expect people to be entertained! Perhaps they are good at gardening or some other endeavor.
I reminisce about television programs of doctors, policemen and detectives solving problems and helping people, not halfwits who had twenty babies or bimbos who live in New Jersey or any other reality show where nobodies are followed around as if any rational person would care what they do.
Furthermore, my chances of impressing some girl with my car is doubtful. I’m pretty sure today’s girls are not any more impressed with my station wagon than they were in my day. And imagine, I have a radio with only a factory speaker! Gasp! How could I turn it up and deafen everyone within 50 yards! Why I’m no fun at all!
But, maybe I am too fast in my assessment. I may not have any of these modern desirable traits but, I do have a job! That puts me in elite company within today’s modern guy. Why, I can afford to actually take a girl out and spend money on her. Not hang in my car with my penniless buddies lamenting our poverty. And I have my own house, so if we did hit it off, I could bring her back to my place for some ‘Boodie- licious’ hooking up or whatever they call it now, not try and sneak her in while my parents are sleeping.
So perhaps I might not be as unpopular as I imagine. But then again, I wouldn’t be able to show you even one tattoo and that makes me a real square. Guess I’ll stay in my own age demographic and just imagine from my computer. Besides there’s a sale on Geritol this week. Better run right over there and get some. Oh wait, I’m only fifty. I may be too young for that and too old for rap. Guess I’m stuck in between.
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