The Class

I was at a local minor league baseball game one Saturday evening strolling around before the game when I happened into a tent for the local cable company. They were advertising free computer lessons and solicited me to take a course that was sponsored by them. Anyone who knows me agrees that my skills in this area are terrible. So, I signed up and reported the following Monday night at a local community center.

Right away I recognized that though it may have been sponsored by the cable company, it was not run by them but instead the government on some level.  I make it a lifetime rule to never get mixed up in anything that has any element of government except when forced to by law, like taxes etc.

There was definitely a mixed bag of folks and this mix made for some chaotic lessons.  I will try to recount for you a typical evening.

First the characters 

1.         Several new immigrants from non English speaking countries learning our language.

2.         An old lonely women in her seventies who feels the need to comment on everything.

3.         A screaming baby.

4.         A guy who doesn’t want to be there except to receive a free computer offered upon completion of the class.

5.         A women who is the neighbor of the baby’s mother and a slow learner.

6.         A Haitian women who talks on her cell phone through half of the class.

Instructor: “Ok everybody.  Let’s press the big button on the computer to turn it on.”

Student 1:  “I don’t see it.  Is it a big button or small? I knew this class was going to be hard.”

Haitian woman:  “Hello . . . yes how are you… oh nothing. . . I’m in a class for the computer…”

Student 2:  “I remember once in 1945, I was in Ireland and they had a big button to turn on the heater.  It was very cold there that year.  I remember wearing a sweater…”

Baby:  “Waaah.  Waaaah.”

Baby’s mother:  “Hush baby.  You be good.”

Immigrant 1:  “I am sorry.  My English not so good.  We turn something this way”

Instructor: “No, turn it on.  It means push the button.”

Immigrant 1:  “You mean push like this?”  He uses his arms in a pushing motion.

Instructor.  “No, with your finger.”

Free computer guy:  “What kinda free computer we gonna get?”

Instructor: We will talk all about that on another night.  In fact a representative will come in to explain everything. Now does everybody have their computers on?”

Student 1: “What shape is the button, like a circle or something?”

Student 2:  “I once went to an art show in France and all the artist drew were circles.  They were blue and green and…”

Free computer guy:  “Are they gonna be good computers like those ones you can carry with you?”

Haitian woman:  “Yes yes, I can talk more . . . we are just starting the computer.”

Baby  “Waaa waaa.”

Student 2:  “Back in the forties we gave colicky babies some ginger root to chew on.”

Baby’s mother:  “He’s not colicky. He just doesn’t want to be here.”

Me:  “Yes, I’m starting to share his view.”

Instructor  “Who does not have their computer on? Raise your hand.  Oh, that many…”

And so that is how the entire three week class went, but it wasn’t all for nothing because in just three week’s time we learned:

How to turn on the computer

How to turn on our monitor.

How to use our mouse.

Not to give our credit card number to strangers.

Keep our password secret.

And only one week to send an E mail.

Maybe if the teachers would have enforced a few simple rules, the class wouldn’t have been chaos.  Crazy rules like: 

No baby’s

No talking on your phone.

No rambling about nothing.

And no asking the same question about your free computer over and over.

At least that’s the way I would have gone. But then again, I don’t work for the government.