It all started innocently enough with the Van Wezel auditorium catalogue. My girl handed me the brochure which listed all their upcoming shows.
“Take a look and check any that look interesting,” she suggested.
Over the course of the next few days I checked any shows that looked mildly interesting, and gave her back the brochure figuring that together, we would go over my suggestions and agree to see a few that we would both enjoy. A few days later she called.
“I got us tickets.”
“Oh good. Which ones did you pick?”
“The ones you wanted to see.”
“But I didn’t tell you which ones I liked. I just checked off anything that was a possibility.”
“Oh, I wondered why you picked so many. I thought that was an awful lot of tickets to buy, it was really expensive!
“You bought them all?”
“Yeah sixteen shows!”
So there it was, we were about to become extremely cultured. Over the following months we saw two big band shows. We were almost the only people under seventy. Then there was ‘Girls Night Out’ where I was one of two guys in the entire audience, and they forced me on stage and placed a pink feathery wrap called a boa around me, and then sang and danced around me while I stood there looking stupid! There were comedians that had shows designed for women and gay men, and the comedian announced that any straight men were not going to understand the show! I didn’t, and waited in the lobby as I found it torturous. But there was also a great Christmas jazz show and some very enjoyable plays as well as other comedians, musicians and celebrities.
By the time we were finished we were so cultured we considered changing our names and appearances. Debbie could become Dina and smoke from one of those long cigarette holders while wrapped in a mink stole. The only problem with that is, she doesn’t smoke and in Florida it’s almost always too hot for mink.
I could change from Nick to Nigel, I could smoke a pipe and walk around the house in one of those smoking jackets. Furthermore I could sit at my desk and contemplate world problems while puffing away on my expensive hand-carved ivory pipe. However I’m sure my A.D.D. would kick in and I would be up and bouncing off the walls in no time. I think contemplating is supposed to take a long time, so I guess I’ll have to find some other way to express my new found culture. As of now we are still working on our new cultured identities. I’ll keep you posted.
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